Wow, should be studying for Families right now but cbb. So far school's been aite i guess. hopefully my chem mark will be good tomorrow HOPEFULLY! I Guess i will write more next time when i have time (:

Wow it sure has been looong. Just stepped into grade 12... boy it has been hectic already. this year is my year gonna live school to the fullest and be as happy as i can. ive recently chatted to my old folks back in australia and boy can i say im excited for next year. wanna go back so badly. despite all the embarrassment i have had these past two days.. i can see im being thick-skinned right now.. who cares what others think and just be urself..this blog had been mainly me ranting all my bad memories etc.. but i can say that my mood had definitely improve.. now all i can wish for is good grades then i can fulfill my parents dream as well as mine... gonna work my ass off ... anyways too doo!

I turned 17. This is sure one of my crappiest b-day. This years and last was horrible, it just keeps getting worse aye. I'm dried up of tears now, so much homework to do. The whole day was bad. If only i could have a happier life.

i should be studying right...? well, this semester is sure killing me. i always say "time tick faster", is it because i want to escape the rough moments? i don't know. i don't know what i want, what i want to be, what i need. why can't i decide on my own? why do i even have so many question. i guess i don't understand life yet. but when will i? i know that if i don't start loving life then i wont get to live a life that i will eventually love.

This blog sure looks dead, i guess i should update it more frequently. I finally cleaned my room, sorting out papers and emptying drawers. It's finally CLEAN. on the other note, i'm pretty depress. so much shit going on in life as to school works and friends. gosh , why didnt i treasure my friends in australia, they were the people who i felt more comfortable with. now i cant even find friends like them, im not me anymore, not the funny person i use to be. i dont even know what i want. it seems like i lost my outgoing attitude which practically STINKS! hopefully i can find a long term friend soon. and hopefully all my courses will give me a wonderful mark!?

It's been a while... I guess its pretty obvious that i am extremely sad right now. i feel as i'm trapped in a world, unable to communicate with the world. i just got my gr 11 final report card for first semester. i was 0.2% off by my goal. my dad who shows absolutely no concern irritates me, i know inside he wants me to do better but the way he tries to encourage is.. well lets just say the asian way. Well here goes, my average is 84.8%, i wanted an 85 so badly. i have a chem quiz 2morz, a bio quiz on friday and i cant seem to focus, i am extremely depressed. i don't know if i have the ability to get into university. im frightened to death. i dont want my parents to be upset as well and thats what irritates me. if only i was an orphan, no one who loves me, then i wouldnt have to blame myself for being a bad daughter. if only they could give up on me and not expect me to do well with all this pressure. i always ask myself... what will me my path? will i live a happy life or miserable one? i want to escape this world where i can have my own freedom.

I guess i have been writing in this blog lately.. this week is gonna be an extremely busy week
TUES:PHYSICS TEST & IN CLASS ESSAY
WED: ACCOUNTING TEST & IN CLASS ESSAY FRI:MATH TEST
i'm soo worried abt english, im not doing that great, actually i was never doing great to start off with.
eh i dont know what to do? i cant seem to focus?
STAR LIGHT STAR BRIGHT FIRST STAR I SEE TONIGHT I WISH I MAY I WISH I MIGHT HAVE THE WISH I WISH TONIGHT! I HOPE THIS WEEK WOULD TURN OUT THE WAY I WANT I TO.

I just got my midterm.. 86% avg. like its not bad or anything but i feel unhappy? i dont know why? i really need to improve my English mark. ironically, im doing my english assignment right now which is due 2morz and where i'll be screw soon. today so far has been an unpleasant day. from school marks to friends. i was sure that i'll do good on my accounting test, turns out it wasnt as good as i thought it would be.. i like how i feel negative about things then they turn out to be positive, unlike what i just did.. thinking positive but then turning out negative.. in terms of friends, theres someone who i actually admire from her school work to her studying habits.. but sometime i just find her mean. like if shes smart and that , just make others around her feel good somehow.. she cares about herself. its really hard to hear a "thankyoul" from her.. why cant i have friends like in australia? i hate how i didnt treasure them as much as i should have and now i regret it. my life is so depressing... why cant i ever write something good about myself in this blog =(

im in the middle of physics homework.. so far today has been good. got my physics mark back, i never thought i would have gotten that mark =O! for some reason i have this uneasy feeling inside me... i wanna go back to australia.. but i kinda dont .. would they still treasure me as they use to? will they miss me? do they still remember who i am? what significance have i done to the group? sure i might not be the most important person but i did change the group in terms of better friendship.. ah well lets see whats gonna happen.. about school again... i really want my english mark to be a good one.. i know i wont but its hope right? i did tried, err stress stress stress. when will i be stress free? now im really into wilber.. gotta get over him before he affects my school marks =P!

Well it has been a VERY LONG TIME since i've wrote in this blog. seriously, it has been a stressing school month already? or even more.. english class is already depressing and when it comes to my teacher. he embarrass us and makes a big deal, it's so annoying, doesnt he know what respect is? all this crap from him is soo annoying . its not because im doing bad in his class, its because they way he picks on people is fuckern GAY! K MOVING ON TO THE NEXT SUBJECT.... PHYSICS! the teacher is better than the english in terms of attitude but style of teaching is ineffective. he doesn't teach at all.. omg gay so im like learning on my own but he is not as bad as the english teacher.. watch me say that and when my physics test is return i'll be ranting all about it. math... math is okay, its probably because of the decent mark... ACCOUNTING... is the only mark that im getting above ninety.. all the rest is like aint good enough.. hopefully by midterm it would be a lot better! star light star bright.. first star i see tonight i wish i may i wish i might have the wish i wish tonight.. i wish i will get good marks and get into a good university so that my parents will be happy for me.. i'l regret it for the rest of my life if i dont.. for my parents and i .. I WILL SUCCEED